Girl in the Mirror

Since I was a youngster, I was a loner. I never believed that no man is an island. I always believed that I could do it myself. I thought I don’t need anybody. Even when I was still in grade school, I started talking back to my parents. I told them that I can be independent, and that I may not need them anymore. I’m a rebellious girl. In my world, it’s always my rules. Things always go my way. Growing up, I realized, I was deceived. I was wrong. My anger, my pride sealed me from the truth. Its as if I can’t see the light.

She’s beautiful. She’s like my twin. She’s transparent. She’s very complex. She was the one who opened my eyes to reality. She thought me of the very one thing which blinded me and which I almost forgot!

Togtooooogaokkk! I heard the cocks. I was shocked and aghast when those stupid old cocks cut my dream. It was such a beautiful dream. It was about my favorite football player, Cristiano Ronaldo. I was mad on how the call of nature woke me up. I stood up, fixed my bed and was ready for school and our mouth-watering breakfast.

As usual, it takes me 15 minutes to take a bath. 5 minutes to eat my breakfast. 3 minutes to fix myself and get things ready. I need to go to school before 7:30 so as not to be marked late. My mom always complained and murmured on how slow I was because she always takes me to school. Being a turtle that I am, mom was always late for gym exercises. She can’t have her favorite place in their Spinning sessions, since the reservations are following a first-come first -serve basis.

Even though I was such a slug, I was never late. As my mom was driving the way to my school, the University of the Philippines, I suddenly realized that it was my parents’ wedding anniversary! How was I so forgetful! Without hesitation and regret, I greeted my mom a Happy Wedding Anniversary! When, we arrived at my school, I kissed her rosy cheeks and went away.

The bell rang and signaled that classes would begin. It was such a boring day. It seems odd though, because I never had such lousy spirit in school. I had always an active spirit and soul, and I was focused. Maybe because I was thinking of my parents’ anniversary, I thought. I had nothing in mind but something... a gift. A perfect, affordable wedding anniversary gift!

Then suddenly, I made a plan. Happy on how sharp my brain works, I told myself that I’m going home alone. I knew my father would fetch me everyday, but I’m going to ask permission anyway. I was determined my plan would be a success! So, bearing the boring lessons, I was doing nothing but waiting for the dismissal bell.

Krrrrriiiiinggg! At last, the bell granted my very wish. In no time, I rushed and checked if our group was assigned for cleaning. I wished we were not. My face drew a big smile when our group was not assigned as cleaners. Waiting for nothing and nobody, I rushed to the payphone outside. I phoned home. Sadly, there was nobody home except my friend, Maricel. Breathless and on the rush, I explained to her everything and that she’ll tell my mom about it.

Feeling relief on the first stage of my plan, I’m ready for the next. Where would I buy the gift? What gift? As I was thinking very deeply, I saw my classmate going home. I thought we could go together. I went up to her and then, she agreed. We rode the PUJ or the public utility jeepney, to JY Square. My first idea was a bouquet of flowers. Looking at the pale colored flowers and high price, I thought I was hopeless. I had to find another not more than P105.

We searched the mall and I saw no relief and satisfaction. We were searching in circles. Now, my classmate seemed tired and I was ashamed on how I pressured her when this is not her problem. So, I had the final decision. My gift is going to be a cake. Fortunately and thank God, we bought a chocolate cake in Angelica’s Bakeshop. Finally, I felt that I was in state of nirvana.

It was getting dark and my classmate and I had to go separate ways. We said our good-byes and went our own ways. When I finally rode on a jeepney, I was excited on how my parents would feel. When, I reached Apas, I paid the fare and got off to ride again a trisikad, a three-wheeled bike used as transportation.

When, I reached home, I thought my family was waiting for me. Surprisingly, I was confused and suspicious why my friend, Ayen, who used to stay in the house with Maricel was not there. Thunders and lightnings stormed my mind and heart when I knew Ayen was sent off to fetch me. I was insulted. I never knew that they couldn’t afford this very day to make things my way.

When my family arrived, I was at least happy. Well, I guessed I would be happier if they didn’t send Ayen to fetch me, when in the first place I asked permission. I smiled. My dad seemed preoccupied. My mom gave me a meaty grin. My young brother gave me an insulting look.

Ignoring everything, I showed them my gift. My brother, who happens to love every chocolate cake in the world, just looked at it, as if it was just a stone covered with mud. Suddenly, my dad uttered out. He told me why I went home by myself. I just let him speak. I realized that I ruined their plans.

We were supposed to eat on a luxurious restaurant. Without Ayen, there would be nobody left in the house because Maricel is off to fetch her. So, with all miseries in my heart, I felt sorry. I could see my brother murmuring. We were eating in our house. Just in our house.

I can’t force my tears from falling down. I realized that I gave everything on something that just wouldn’t go right. It was dinnertime and my mom comforted me and told me everything was fine and that they’re going to eat the cake anyway.

But, I wasn’t listening. My pride shrouded my mind and drowned my mom’s sweet words. I was back again in my darker side. I cried. I never listened. I saw my world as my own. My world became smaller and darker. My family scolded me, but I trashed them. I fought back. I went to my room and locked myself in.

Right then, I was thinking of running away. I turned off the lights. When, everything was dark, I noticed a sparkling, crystal-like object. I turned on the lights and noticed it was just the mirror. Moving like I was hypnotized, I looked at myself in the mirror.

I saw myself. This time its more meaningful. The mirror became a pensieve that very night. It reflected everything my family did to me. The pensieve that was once a mirror reminded me of my selfishness and greed. I broke in tears realizing, I was in great debt to all the people who helped me.

Just then, the pensieve changed back into a mirror and I saw a girl. She was like my twin. I was confused. Was she my reflection? Just then, I realized that the girl in the mirror,¦ was I. She was a better version than me. When I dared to touch her, she touched me back. I can feel her pulse, and her warmth. What I saw in her, I didn’t see in me. I saw she was successful. She had a lot of friends.

She was the exact opposite of me. When I returned to my usual reserved self, I realized that the reflection was more of a vision. Now, many months have passed, I still kept looking at the mirror, but it seems she was not coming back. She was not an apparition though, but rather a reflection of my life.

I kept remembering her. But all I can remember is that she’s beautiful. She’s a reflection. She’s transparent. She’s very complex. She was the one who opened my eyes to reality. She thought me of the very one thing which blinded me and which I almost forgot…ME! I am my night and shining armor. She made me slay my own dragon. She told me to dream my own dreams. From that day forward, I became stronger and slowly understanding that I am who my best friend is.

Look at yourself in the mirror. There’s nobody else closer to you than yourself.

Nobody can understand you if you yourself don’t understand who you are.

I believe this would strike teenagers to believe in good changes. Love yourself. Your greatest friend and foe is you.