LONER. The word that best describes me. I really thought that " a man could be an island ". Even when I was young, I already felt I could do things on my own. I grew up without much social interaction. No wonder I've got only a couple of friends. Friendship never mattered for me though. I believed that friends are just fair-weathered, and I never liked that view. I tend to be dominant over others.In my grade school, I absolutely showed unfriendliness. I never wanted group encounters because I don't want to be with some lunatics (boys). I thought I could do everything by myself. Whenever I'm involved in a fight, nobody sides with me. That's what I like though, before. I stand on my own and defend myself. I had been sarcastic, unforgiving, and mean. I was also very competitive before. I never accepted defeat and lowering down my pride was not my line.
Everything's changed when I came here. During my 1st year in UP, I had become a public enemy and was crowned "MISS COMMON SENSE"! It was embarrassing though. I still remembered how evil I was. It was actually a fight between me and the Juniors. Since this institution fights as one for the good, my mischief completely reached every student. It even nearly reached the teachers, which gave me shivers down my spine.
Even though I never showed slight improvement, the students more specifically the Sophies, tried to reconcile. My heart softened, but again, lowering my pride is something I can't easily do. So instead of cooperating, I just broke in tears and still continued to give them cold shoulder. After each passing day, I could notice people gossiping about me. Even my classmates turned their back against me. I knew then that everybody hates me now. I realized I was wrong. It really hurts to feel you're alone. For a time, nobody went near to me.
I knew I had to go and make the first move. I realized I finally grew and matured. I was more mature. But then, I can't. It was so hard for me to adjust and accept the fact that I should be sorry. I mean, I wasn't used to doing that before. I just committed mistakes not knowing I did. If I do, I don't really care and I don't feel sorry. It really consumed me until it affected my grades and my life. But then God is so forgiving when he gave me a chance.
We were preparing for the Intramurals 2005-2006. It was a hectic schedule for us Freshies. As we were practicing for Soccer base, I suddenly remembered that the Juniors were our sister team. "Hell! ", I said to myself. What now???, I thought. I wasn't really active and cooperative, when I noticed them again. They were gossiping. I realized I met my karma. They would look at me and whisper at each others ears. I hadn't practice hard despite that I'm the captain.
Intramurals was declared open and I knew we're going to place fourth in the over-all ranking. We lost in the cheerdance competiton. That time, I solely devoted my support to the Seniors as they were the ones who really trained us. Obviously, we lost to the elders in Softball and Soccerbase, however, we were champions in Volleyball and other minor sports. I thought, I was very unlucky this year. Fortunately, I didn't know that my luck is yet to come.
It was a championship match of the Seniors and the Juniors in both Softball and Soccer base. As usual, both years would show no mercy and would bolt out their hearts just to win. Rivarly and competition are the main agenda. I felt bad though cause I wasn't able to watch their game as promised. We promised the Seniors that we would watch and support them. I stayed in the classroom and took a rest.
The Seniors dominated over the Juniors in Soccer base. I thought they could win the Softball Championship too. I thought they would nail and quash the Juniors! But it has just begun... The sun was so cruel and everyone was thirsty for more water. Hatred, disgust, vain stormed the hearts of the two eldest years. I realized, this was not a game anymore. " Hey, this is Intramurals. Why would you act that way?" I said. "I did not do that"! I can't believe it! For a very long time, I acted good. I mean, I have never said anything so true and good for a long time now. What a day!
The Juniors crushed the Seniors in Softball. This is it! The moment I'm waiting for! As the Juniors exited through the grasses, I congratulated them and they were so shocked and happy. Meanwhile, we placed fourth in the ranking. But it don't matter. What matters most is that I'm going to set things right from this day forward.That day on, the burden started to lighten. Some of the Juniors were now my friends so as the others. I realized that it feels so good to have friends. They care and and they love. No! They are not fair-weathered. Though not all of them became my friends, I was happy that at least I made a little impact.
This goes out to anyone I have offended that time and maybe until today because of that. I just want to say that I'm truly sorry. I may not say this personally, but I'm telling this from the bottom of my heart. I'm not good in words. And what my words lack and should tell, my actions did. I'm sorry that my imperfections and stupidity left a track on your experiences. You all made me realize that I was wrong and that I had to change. I hope you'll see some of my improvements. I know I tend to be mean in some situations but I'll try to change. Don't think of me as a sore loser cause I have accepted that already.
I knew it was only me who deprived myself of friends. You guys are great and I wish you'll all be my friends. I guess its time to listen what's hidden inside. Behind the walls of doubt, I know you can't believe why I made this. Have I at least showed that I lowered my pride with this entry? I don't know what to say. I'm mysterious and there's much more to come from me. Whether it would be good or bad, one thing's for sure... it'll be great! Don't worry, you'll see newer and better me...
